After I got fired from a job as a live in "farm hand" I crashed on my friend Marco's couch for a month or so. Ren and Jerry, the upstairs neighbors, were one of those cute couples who are so in love it makes you want to borrow a cup of sugar from them and pour it in their gas tank. The worst thing about them is that they couldn't stop talking about how great Netflix is. One night I was coming up the front walk and saw Ren putting the movie they just watched in the mail box. She told me I just had to see it, so I waited until she went in and took it out of their mail box and watched it. It was that movie Sideways, and it Sucked so bad that I broke the disk into small pieces and shoved them back into the envelope and put it in the mail. The next night I was still mad at how much that movie sucked so I put thier next disk in the microwave before putting it back in the mail. Then I started going to get the movies from their box before they could watch them and destroying the disks. After a week or two of this I got careless and carved my real name in the bottom of a disk with a safety pin. Ren hit me with a bundt pan and Jerry let me know, in no uncertain terms, that not only was the shit I did a felony, but that I was a bigger asshole than both the guys in Sideways combined. Ouch.
